


Worth Staying For

by vanpora



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 14:39:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10467384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanpora/pseuds/vanpora
Summary: Peebee does some soul-searching before making a big decision.





	

Peebee’s motto has always been to have one foot out the door. Change was the only consistency in her life and never once has she thought about it being any different. Never considering that maybe she should tie herself down somewhere nice, maybe with someone good for her. _“Where’s the fun in that?”_ she’d ask herself whenever doubts started to buzz around in her head, along with rem-tech modification plans and thoughts of a pair of warm brown eyes that belonged to none other than the Pathfinder herself. The culprit responsible for making Peebee reconsider her tumultuous lifestyle. Also responsible for the annoying migraine in her head.  
  
She huffs in frustration tossing aside some blueprint she found impossible to focus on. One thing that Peebee was certain about was that being in one place for a long time made her antsy. It made her tense and desperate, something she could never really explain properly but it was understandable enough for her to roll with. The images of her and Ryder floating around in the escape pod made her groan with frustration. It just wasn’t _fair._ Ryder wasn’t asking anything of her and she was being patient and only doing everything possible to make this easy for Peebee yet here she was feeling like she took a biotic blast to the heart. It wasn’t fair that Ryder was so perfect, the way her eyes crinkled at the edges when she smiled at one of Vetra’s jokes and the way her freckles were splattered so wonderfully across her face. The way her voice got softer whenever she was concerned about someone, the lengths she took for everyone to feel accepted, the way her body relaxed around Peebee despite Peebee literally buzzing around the room. Everything about the Pathfinder was admirable and worthy of someone who’d be a reliable partner.

 

“I’ve been reliable so far haven’t I?” she whispered to herself. She shook her head and sighed wearily. _When was the last time I had a reliable place to come back to? To actually look forward to?_ she tried reasoning with herself. _What could possibly be so bad about staying here? With everyone?_ Some of her favorite memories of the crew replayed in her head. Drack wrestling with a handful of kett and cackling madly while Ryder shook her head with a smile, Cora finding Ryder’s space hamster in the shower and screaming out curse words Peebee never knew existed, playing poker with Gil for hours until she lost all her credits, watching Jaal and Liam snipe back and forth at each other until it lead to a shirtless arm wrestle (which Ryder eventually broke up much to her dismay), several more of these played in her head until she came to a conclusion.

 

She loved this crew. She loved them, has risked her life for them, and would continue to do so to build this future everyone was hanging on to. She thinks about how much everyone’s expected her to bolt as soon as she got bored and frowns. She’s found purpose here, friends, and maybe even a special someone for herself depending on how this played out. Depending on how _she’d_ let it play out. Her heart raced in her chest as she thought about the possibilities opening up to her if she stuck around and all the ones that disappeared if she stayed. _But what about Ryder, Ryder, Ryder…_ the words hung in the back of her head like a whisper. She imagines Ryder’s face, soaked in sweat, blood, dirt, sand and whatever other grime came from the battle. She thinks of her smiling bright and shining at her while popping another clip into her assault rifle. This jackass with a heart of gold looking through the scope of her rifle and her body jolting back, hitting the ground in a second and adrenaline is rushing in her veins as she sprints to Ryder, panicking and looking for signs of blood.

 

 _“Ryder!” I try to shout over the sound of bullets flying over us. I skid to my knees, kneeling over her body frantically searching for blood. Vetra continues to focus on the kett ahead of us glancing at me anxiously. “Ryder, talk to me. Are you bleeding?” I place my hands on her face, trying to get her to open her eyes. My heart feels like it’s going a thousand miles per minute and thoughts flood my mind with worst case scenarios._ **_Ryder, open your eyes. Ryder. Please, we need you. We need you, Ryder. I need you._ ** _She groans and clenches them tightly before opening them, opening warm dazed brown eyes that I could never in a million years get tired of seeing. I can’t help but smile like an idiot._

 

_“Fuck, Peebee. You need to cover my side better” she groans and shakes her head. She laughs as a sign she was joking, likely sensing my serious demeanor. She hops back up to her feet. “No damage, shields took the brunt of it. You can relax, Peebee” she places a hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?” she asks. I stare at her._

 

_“Why are you asking me that? You’re the one who just took a bullet!” I guffaw at the question. Her face softens for some reason._

 

_“Peebee you’re crying” she brushes a thumb across my cheek to wipe off a tear. I blink and touch my face, surprised to find that it’s wet. A single trail down my left cheek. I blink again, not knowing what to say. “Peebee, are you o-”_

 

_“I’m fine” I cut her off in a rush followed by a forced laugh. “I’m fine, I just, you know, panicked. But you’re fine so we should get going” the words fly out of my mouth as I jump to my feet and make my way to Vetra. My heart doesn’t stop racing and the feeling of eyes staring at the back of my head doesn’t go away the entire mission._

 

Peebee snaps out of the memory. Suddenly, everything is clearer. She knows what she wants and for the first time in a long time there’s people involved in that want. In a blur she brings up her omni-tool and sends a quick email to everyone. She has no speech prepared, but she’s determined with purpose so it’s enough. She’s done everything in her life on the fly so why stop now? She sends a special email to Ryder, asking her to come to her room first. She sets up a message for Poc to relay to her when and _if_ she does come. Her body feels tingly, but it’s not the tingly she gets during a caffeine buzz, it’s the kind of tingly she gets when she’s excited and wants to run laps around the Milky Way. She rocks back and forth on the heels of her feet and tries to breath in and out slowly. “Let’s do this, Peebee” she whispers to herself before making her way to the Comm. Room. When she enters several pairs of eyes turn to her and she swears she feels a bead of sweat form on her neck. They look at her expectantly and she gets straight to the point (at least tries to).

 

“So, um, I wanted to say that, uh…” the words fumble out of her mouth and suddenly everything feels so much harder than she expected. Jaal looks sideways at her and blinks.

  
“Uh oh, did you mutiny and jettison Ryder?” she opens her mouth to say something until she hears footsteps approaching her from behind. Her heart speeds up as her eyes meet a pair of familiar brown ones.

 

Vetra’s mandibles twitch as she says “No such luck, there she is”.

 

“Unfortunate for you all, no I haven’t been ejected out into space via escape pod. I’m safe” she smiles at Peebee warmly. Words find their way back to her as she takes a deep breath.

 

“I just wanted to say, whether you guys knew it or not, I’ve had one foot out the door since I got here. But, I’ve changed my mind now. I’m just trying to say that… I’m happy to call you guys my friends. To be a part of the crew, this family and… yeah. That’s it.” she finishes lamely.

 

Everyone responds positively to her confession and it feels like a load of weight off her shoulders. A moment later everyone disbands to attend to their own devices, leaving Ryder and her by themselves. A knot forms in her throat when Ryder gives her another smile. “I’m so glad you’re sticking around” she says simply. Peebee exhales deeply.

 

“Did you… listen to the message?” her voice feels small compared to Ryder’s.

 

“I did” she replies.

 

“And?”

 

“You’re the only one for me and I want to be the only one for you, Peebee. I want this.” Before she’s done with the sentence, Peebee’s sprinting towards her, arms wrapping around her as they tumble to the ground. Their lips lock and Peebee’s breathless, either from running, crashing into Ryder, or maybe even because of the feel of Ryder’s lips on hers. Irregardless, none of it compares the warmth spreading around in her chest that reminds her why she made this choice. The sensation of Ryder peppering kisses all across her face anchors her to this reality she’s making for herself. That she has a crew worth caring and fighting for, that there’s a future worth building and someone worth sharing it with. This beautiful and wonderful human being beneath her who’s made her realize that even change can get tiring and she could use something (more like someone) that she knows she can rely on to keep her steady and make her feel at peace. Their laughter grows as they roll around on the ground, holding each other and enjoying this moment they’ve created for themselves. Something Peebee can’t run away from and doesn’t want to. They still for a moment and gaze at each other with goofy grins plastered onto their faces, and as she grazes her fingers over the countless freckles she smiles even more thinking about how she could have ever considered leaving a home like this.


End file.
